Jacob, Israel & 5 AM Loaves
Would I have chosen to be wide awake at 5 AM? Absolutely not. But I have been praying to be better at time management, so maybe God’s giving me options. You know what was not mastering my time well? Scrolling on my phone until 5:40, hoping I’d get sleepy again. That’s what makes me relatable though, right? --I'm going with it 🙃.
Anyway, yesterday morning I finally pulled myself together, grabbed my Bible earlier than usual, and GUESS what amazing discovery I made?! Ok, ok, I’ll tell you.
I was in Genesis, and can we all agree—there are SO MANY things in the Bible that are just plain confusing? We get it, God. You want us humble.
One story that’s always puzzled me is the one where Jacob wrestles with God. That's mentally been a trip for me on its own, but it gets weirder.
Quick backstory if you’re not familiar: Jacob and his mom trick his father into giving him the blessing meant for his brother, then the trickster gets tricked—working 14 years for his apparent hottie of a wife, Rachel. Anyway, on his way back home, Jacob wrestles with God all night long. When it’s over, God blesses him and changes his name from Jacob (“deceiver”) to Israel (“one who prevails with God”). Pretty sweet upgrade, right?
Except… Scripture keeps switching back and forth between calling him Jacob and Israel even after the name change went down. Sometimes Jacob, sometimes Israel. Con-fus-ing.
So when I was trying to keep it straight, I looked it up. And what I found was gold.
Most scholars believe Scripture flips between the two names to show that even after God gave Jacob a new identity, he still struggled with fear and weakness. He was “Jacob” when he relied on himself, “Israel” when he trusted God.
I get so excited when something that feels complicated and confusing in Scripture turns the corner into something that feels oh-so-relatable.
Because isn’t that exactly what we do? We know who God says we are—loved, chosen, redeemed—but we still wrestle with our old ways of thinking. We slip back into our “Jacob moments” of fear, control, and striving. Yet God doesn’t revoke the new name. He meets us in the tension.
Part of my hope with this devotional project is that it feels approachable to everyone—especially those who don’t feel like they fit the “Christian mold.” If that’s you, let me share a super secret among believers:
We all feel like that sometimes.
The call on our lives is to become like Christ—to be made new in Him—but none of us get it right. It's the striving for, the wrestling towards-- that is honoring to Him. I love that Jacob/Israel sometimes forgets who he is. He gets it wrong, and then he gets it right. Back and forth he goes, just trying to get better. That’s real.
It reminds us that both of these scriptures hold truth simultaneously:
“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has passed away, behold, all things have become new.” 2 Corinthians 5:17
“I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do, I do not do. But what I hate, I do.” Romans 7:15
So if you’re feeling like you’re not as far along as you’d hoped—allow me to be a truth teller in your life. Forward is a speed. It's the only one that matters. The struggle doesn’t mean you’re failing. The wrestling is the relationship. It’s proof you’re still reaching for Him.
Here’s to 5 AM wake-ups and wrestling matches that remind us who we really are.
